About a year ago, I recorded a table talk with Witchspace Podcast about the realities of being a new mother and a witch. In that episode, I spent a few moments expressing my honest feelings regarding the sentiment behind a "village" that a mother is "supposed" to have in support of raising her children.
"It takes a village to raise a child."
The idiom "it takes a village to raise a child" is rumored to come from an ancient African phrase, and some specific examples can be found in Wajita and Swahili proverbs. The concept of a larger collective taking responsibility for raising children is a dream solution for many mothers who have too little time and energy to attend to their own needs, let alone duties outside of caring for their children.
Spend any time scrolling through the thousands of "mommy" accounts across social media, and you will undoubtedly find mothers lamenting the lack of "village" in today's world. A growing sentiment among many is a sense of entitlement to a support network and the resentment of having to bear the weight of motherhood alone. I understand the frustration and desire, but I fail to find why constantly discussing it is helpful. I am fully aware that in the United States, we can make explicit comparisons to other countries and how they are structured to be more accommodating towards mothers and children.
But ultimately, I live here. I have to work with what I've got. The conversations around the "what ifs" and the "society should be this way" topics tend to breed resentment and, in my experience, no clear solution.
So, in this conversation with Witchspace, I quickly scoffed at the idea that a village was possible in today's modern world and then proceeded to justify my lack of desire to have one.
"I'm sick and tired of being like, "We need a village like, life is so hard, and we don't have our village like…" Yeah! It's hard! So, like, what are we going to do about it? …
I feel like it's just a complaint at this point…
I want to just raise my kid, and I want to feel like I'm not going crazy."
It wasn't until some weeks later that I was gently confronted by some family members. They reminded me that I did have a village if only I remembered to open my eyes and ask for help. At the time, this struck me as a clarifying realization that I was getting in my own way to receive the support I needed.
With Pluto recently moving into Aquarius on January 20th, the idea of "the village" and the role that community has in raising our younger generations have been heavy on my mind. The next twenty years will be marked by a profound transformational experience as Pluto aims to dismantle and examine the Aquarian archetype in our society. Technology, community, rebellion, modern advancements, and the oneness of our human race are all under scrutiny. We stand at the beginning of a long series of tests meant to empower us.
Depression and suicide rates are rising in our younger generations. There are undiscovered long-term effects of chronic screen usage. There are dire consequences of eating the current standard American diet. We are being exposed to violence and world conflict at a rate that the human race has never before been subjected to. It would be foolish to continue this path blindly and hope everything for our children "turns out okay." As anxious as I feel about the potential of Pluto's journey through Aquarius, I think it is time we revolutionize our way of life as a culture.
What happens when my initial response is to run from it all?
Much like the Aquarian support of the outcast, my inclination is to be the staunch non-conformist and go in the opposite direction of the crowd.
I want my children to avoid plenty within the community where I live. Societal norms and customs no longer align with my values; my gut instinct is to rebel and do things differently. I have publicly mentioned that I intend to homeschool my children. In a pagan household, they will no doubt have a different experience from most kids in the area. I genuinely want them to question and even challenge authority. I recognize that as their mother, I act as that training ground.
I've always been a headstrong, independent woman, sometimes to the point of self-sabotage. I often walk in a different direction from a crowd and even take pride in that pursuit.
This is where the root of my dismissal of the "village" came from. If I want something done, I'll figure out how to do it myself. That way has always worked in the past!
But my family member's honesty opened my eyes to a more profound truth.
First and foremost, I am NOT alone. I have an incredible support network of family and devoted friends who helped me and my children in those early days of motherhood. I had a fantastic team guiding me through pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum, and I know now, without a doubt, that I could turn to them again if needed. To neglect that fact is to be incredibly ungrateful. I must open my eyes to those who surround me with care and love. I need to sit in gratitude for that, especially when I feel the world's weight on my shoulders.
And secondly, I need to recognize that I have a responsibility to myself and my children to participate in the greater community.
Now let me clarify: I am not suggesting I force my children to participate in activities and group events that I internally disagree with or disapprove of. But it is essential to recognize when I choose to steer clear of certain activities due to my inner values OR due to my personal issues I am projecting onto the establishment.
For example, I recently had an experience where the classes I was trying to sign my kids up for became impossible due to technological difficulties. I incorrectly assumed it was the fault of the staff who had recently upgraded our membership. This community center has been fantastic for our family, but not without problems.
I struggle with the religious emphasis of the organization (which, due to the size and influence of this place, is not to be avoided in this area).
I am a bit of a loner, so I don't feel that I need to use this facility for my own health any longer.
I have dealt with difficulties regarding our membership every time I sign my kids up for classes.
The frustration over this hit a breaking point for me, and I was willing to say "the hell with it," throw my laptop out the window, and quit our memberships entirely. I began internally convincing myself that we didn't need the facility anymore. When I went to bed that night, I was ready to pull the plug, but intuition told me to sleep on it.
The following day, it became clear that my emotions had been getting the better of me. I needed to reconsider. Were my frustrations valid? Absolutely.
However, the need for my children to be around their peers and have an outlet for their physical activity and social development is critical to me.
I would be sacrificing that for the sake of… my pride? My discomfort?
No.
I needed to toughen up and do the more challenging thing.
Even though I could give myself every excuse why I shouldn't have to participate, the right thing to do would be to overcome my insecurity, discomfort, and, quite honestly, laziness.
I must participate in a larger community of children and parents who care deeply for their children's health.
I need to recognize that I have incredible friends around me who I can lean on and that there is no shame in asking for help.
I need to examine the part of myself that feels unworthy of a village, undeserving of support, and unwilling to build relationships.
This admission process is the first step to doing Pluto's work: diving into the truth and shedding light on the shame, guilt, and despair buried within.
In our own way, each of us will be called to unravel the Aquarian part of our life and transform it with Pluto's guidance. It takes honesty and courage; nothing is too silly or mundane to transform. Even your kid's participation at the local community center and their damn technical malfunctions! Each of these experiences and lessons is a gateway to something greater.
Should we dare to peek into the dark, a deeper, more profound revelation awaits.
So, I wish you luck with your Plutonian journey and peace and nurturing within the arms of your own village.
May you easily find the support you need and act as a catalyst for a positive transformation within our world.
Blessed be.
Here is the episode with Witchspace Podcast about Witchcraft and Motherhood: