The Beginning

I'm going to attempt to document the story of my life. 

For starters...

I am a wife. A daughter. A mother of two sons. I am an eclectic witch. I’m a composer and an astrologer. I write and perform rituals for my local community as a High Priestess. 

I decided to embark upon writing a blog because of a few reasons:

1. Writing and speaking our thoughts out loud is doing the “thinking”. It’s also record keeping. I need to sort things out as I go.

2. I used to write a blog, and I enjoyed it. Don’t go searching for it. It no longer exists.

3. I’m practicing my skills as a communicator, and the only way to do that is to practice communicating and doing it honestly. 

4. Hopefully, some of this material might be helpful to someone. At the very least, it is helpful to me.

So, at the risk of starting a bit dramatically, here it goes…

Something Had to Change

Not my bathtub, but the tub I gave birth to my son in a few days later.

June 27, 2023

I was sitting in my bathtub at over 41 weeks pregnant, gazing up at the night sky in the candlelight through tears. I was desperate to meet my son.

I needed to connect to a higher power. 

I performed this ritual bath ceremony to reconnect with Herself, my chosen Queen and “Deity”.

She reminded me of the commitment that I had failed to follow through with.

A task I had promised to complete as a part of my service to Herself years ago. 

I felt powerless. 

I was about to have another child, and then I would immediately take up the role of “Mother of Two under Two.” 

It was a title and a responsibility I had been stressing about for months.

How on earth could I complete this work I’d promised Herself while also being a mother to a newborn and a toddler? (Who quite honestly was still very much a baby?!)

I would have to change everything, I decided.

I would need energy, so I’d have to prioritize exercise. 

I would need time, so I’d have to cut out distractions and unnecessary tasks.

I would need stamina, so I'd have to start enjoying the process of doing this work more than dreaming of the finished product and presentation. (This one is especially difficult for me, it turns out…)

I would need faith, so I’d have to start attempting to connect with Herself every day and open as many channels of communication as I can.

I would need trust, so I’d be able to channel this work into something I was proud of.

Hint at the original sketches of the orchestration.

From the beginning, this “Great Work” (my nickname for it), has been about allowing myself to do my very best. 

Not to “just get it done” at 65% effort for the sake of a deadline or just winging it and hoping it works.  

No. She would not settle for anything less than my best.

That meant 100%. All in. Learn everything. No shortcuts. 

Channel it, write it, orchestrate, print, produce, present. 

Oh, and did I mention that She insisted I do it exactly as she wanted, damned if anybody ever listens to it or even enjoys it at all? 

This one stretched me. I’m a Leo stellium. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t live for praise.

I don’t typically work like this, but something had to change.

It was on that night I made a vow to Herself that I would give birth to my son and then completely shift the day-to-day structure of my life to make myself into the type of mother, woman, and witch who could compose this work as soon as possible.

Within 48 hours, answers from an Ultrasound confirmed that it was time to naturally induce my labor. Three very long nights after I made this vow, my son was born. 

After weeks of uncertainty, the very moment I made the vow began a turn of events that gave me concrete answers about why my son’s birth was taking so long to occur, and I finally had a direction and a sense of certainty about the future.

My sons and I during the Summer of 2023.

July 17, 2023

My husband goes back to work. Today is the start of a difficult transit for the collective, (Pluto at 29° Capricorn squaring the Nodes of the Moon at 29° Aries and Libra). 

It is a day of movement, (Pluto Square) and a day of fateful decisions, (Nodal Axis on a Crisis Point). 

I chose to get up early that morning, subject myself to my first ever “cold plunge” in my shower, get my children to the gym, and start walking for exercise.

I never looked back.

Present Day - January 11, 2024

I solo parent for 12 hours a day, four days a week. I’m incredibly blessed that my husband has three-day weekends where we work together as a team with the kids.

I’m in the Pacific Northwest, so the weather here is hardly consistent. 

I committed to getting outside every day I possibly could rain or shine.

It was a change in the right direction. 

I’ve never been a morning person but the only way I felt I could get consistent exercise and creative work built into my schedule, while also maintaining my sanity raising two boys who are 17 months apart, was to get up before them and get to work.

I’m not perfect, but I’ve developed tricks to get more consistent with this every day.

I’ve learned a LOT from my husband, who is naturally a very early riser.

Most important of all, I’m composing again. The last time I formally composed music was when I was in college, but I graduated in 2016. I’m horribly out of practice.

I’ve written theater, film, and ritual underscore, many songs, and produced two singles and an album since then, but I have only actually written the manuscript for one piece in the last 8 years. 

This has all changed now. I’m back to handwriting manuscripts, (mostly due to needing a software upgrade at the moment), and I’ve successfully managed to “channel” my music. 

Do I have any proof of this? 

Nothing tangible, other than the music itself which is very different from anything I’ve ever written. 

But the magical process of writing it has led me to believe that I am acting more as a “conduit” than a “composer”. 

So why am I writing all of this?

I’m stating this upfront to articulate why I’ve formulated the systems I use in my mundane life. There is a bigger purpose here, beyond just being “the best mother I can be” for my sons, alongside trying to maintain my artistry and my magical practice. 

I want to share this in the hopes that maybe, someone out there can benefit from this information if I dare to publish it.

This blog will cover topics like parenting, marriage, balancing motherhood with being a witch, my magical practice, and my life as a working artist and astrologer.

This blog will NOT include specific details about my children’s personalities or behavior, photographs of my children’s faces, photographs of my husband, and intimate details of my private life and spiritual practice that I do not want to share with the world.

I will also be keeping my responses and attention to comments or messages from strangers to the barest minimum.

My privacy is of utmost value to me. If that bothers you, use your free will to engage elsewhere.

I want to eradicate the myth that practicing magic and being an eclectic witch has to be an elaborate performance of ritual, incense, music, lights, and transcendence every day of your life. Those elements can certainly occur and be incredibly meaningful to your practice, but my life as a mother will not permit this to be the norm, and that's okay.

I’m making it work.

So here we are, reader. 

We’ve arrived at the formation of The Dark Moon Chronicle.

Let this be a record of the process and the systems that make up the life of Cawnawyn Mor.

Let it also be of service to any of you out there who wish to connect to another pagan mother, musician, and witch.

I’ll see you at the next New Moon.

So Mote It Be. ✨