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Chasing Magic in Motherhood

How does one maintain their spiritual practice in the season of motherhood?
a woman's hand holding flowers over sheet music

Before becoming a mother, my days ran together in a river of creative projects, rehearsals, appointments, social engagements, and experimentation in my craft. Every day held the opportunity to try a new spell, perform a new ritual, try a deeper form of meditation, learn about cultures and practices, and play with new crystals… the possibilities were endless.


My husband and I spent 2020 on a graveyard schedule together, and I remember many evenings performing elaborate rituals and going on meditative journeys at three in the morning.

I was free to try anything, and it gave me the space I needed to find my way through the many paths of witchcraft.

I recorded as much as I could, and although many of my written ramblings are now outdated and a little cringe-worthy, I am so grateful for the record I preserved of this powerful time in my life as a new witch finding her way.


a woman in a black hat playing piano by candlelight
Just casually performing at 1am

Eventually, the path of my flavor of spirituality led me to the conclusion I was ready to have children and become a mother (at least, I thought I was prepared at the time). Through much of my work in astrology, I accepted the deep-rooted desire to raise my children and step into motherhood. Before finding my path, I had believed I didn’t want children, but all that began to change as I became more honest with myself through shadow work.


When I was blessed with my first pregnancy swiftly after coming off of birth control, I let impulse take over, and my elaborate rituals gave way to much quieter forms of magic. Much of my craft became about using Tarot and routine forms of Divination, journaling, and the occasional meditation to connect with my growing baby.


a pregnant woman standing in the snow
Pregnancy #1 with my Winter Baby

As many would probably relate, the dreams were incredible during this time! I truly felt that the boundaries between my world and the “other side” were so thin as I carried life within me. Unfortunately, I was rubbish at actually recording the details of these dreams, as my physical symptoms of pregnancy often left me unmotivated and too exhausted.


I engaged in some small rituals for myself during pregnancy, but nothing too dramatic. My Full Moon Baths became cemented in my practice. I prayed to the Goddess for strength during the approaching birth of my son. I used some deep meditative techniques to help me prepare for relaxing my body during childbirth and to help me sleep.


These spiritual connections were personal and more about survival than preserving my faith, although each of these practices strengthened my belief in myself during this time.

Then Motherhood hit, and everything was thrown off.
A woman carrying a baby with a dog
Finding the rhythm of motherhood with my firstborn

Now, I was cast into the world of caring for an entirely dependent newborn infant, and all my practices were abandoned for a time. My moon baths ended. (I was using my tub for my son’s baths anyway.) I used every spare moment to sleep. My son immediately took a liking to my tarot cards, so no deck was safe from his mouth, and I was focused on navigating motherhood as best as I could. 


In retrospect, there were so many opportunities to incorporate a little magic into my relationship with my baby had I taken the time, but it was not meant to be. I had no mental capacity to consider adding crystals to a bath or using kitchen magic for his homemade purees. While I had an incredibly meaningful Blessing for him at three months old, performed by a dear friend of mine and the local Wildroot Coven, the extent of my magic in that first year was minimal.


a woman holding a baby
Attempting to balance mom life with magic life

As he grew, I incorporated some affirmations we say before bed together. He and I would visit our local Crescent Moon Gifts, look at all the beautiful crystals together, and admire statues of deities and the many other magical products they carry. We listened to pagan folk music at home and danced together almost every night. We talked about and observed the changing seasons. We joined forces in some rather entertaining house cleansings together (he loves banging on pots to get the bad energy out!) He has his own Rider-Waite-Smith tarot deck now that he can shuffle (and throw) to his heart’s content, and we talk about the imagery in the cards. (He loves to “pick a card for Dada/Mama,” which is an amusing form of divination in and of itself). 


two women performing a rite over a candle
Pregnant Again at a DWW RItual!

Meanwhile, my connection to the Divine Warrior Witches is the biggest blessing I have maintained throughout motherhood. Stepping into the role of High Priestess for local sabbat classes for the community has been an incredible journey in and of itself. While the focus during these events is primarily on facilitating a successful public event, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit how much I sorely needed those events to bolster my faith during those months. Sometimes, my Divine Warriors Ritual was the only exposure to magic I’d had in weeks, and I ached for it.


a pregnant woman holding flowers
Pregnancy #2 at Beltane with my Summer Baby

With my second born, I spoke of how I vowed to change my practice in my first article HERE, and my confidence in motherhood allowed for much greater opportunities with both of my children. However, there have been many days and nights when it is purely a game of keeping everyone safe, fed, clean, and loved before any magical practice is factored in.


Still, we’ve managed multiple sabbat dinner celebrations as a family. Now, both of my children hear the positive affirmations at bedtime. Our observation of the seasons has deepened, and our connection to nature is stronger as I’m brave enough to take my children outside in all types of elements more often. I’ve taken them to pagan festivals, and we are growing a library of pagan stories for children. We read about witches and astrology, and they’re no strangers to the scent of my incense burning on my altar now. My younger son has accompanied me to some Divine Warrior Rituals (something I never believed possible while in the thick of it with my firstborn), which significantly deepened our relationship and is forever a profound memory for me. 

a woman breastfeeding an infant behind a music stand
Breastfeeding my baby during ritual!
Magic has seamlessly found its way into my mundane life.

I plan to elaborate on this in future articles, but my daily routines are inspired by astrology and the moon's phases. Everything from my clothes to the exercise I’m doing to the loads of laundry I’m loading is pre-determined by an astrological system.


Is it intense?


Maybe for some, but it provides a system that connects me with a more significant meaning in all that I do. I feel much more aware of messages and symbols coming to me through nature and my dreams now (as for so long, that was the only form of communication I could rely upon). My affirmations and care of my body feel like a ritual of magic I perform. I intend to develop my cooking skills into a deeper form of kitchen witchcraft, as it is something I’ve only been able to dabble in with great success. 

an altar with a statue of Hekate, a book, and a candle and crystals
My decorative altar where I keep my "Book of Winds"

Making the vow I made last summer has fused into all my decisions as a mother and a creator. From my mundane rituals to the depths of channeling in my work as a musician and astrologer, I feel closely tied to magic in all that I do.


But it still hasn’t felt like enough.


This New Moon in Pisces has me reflecting on the meaning of a “spiritual practice.” 


What is it truly for?

Is it a deeper connection to a higher power? 

A stronger faith through the good and bad times? 

To harness magic in all aspects of life, both magical and mundane?


Truth be told, I have felt recently that my spiritual practice is now too focused on the mundane. While it has dramatically improved my rhythm of life, it is lacking in areas of true, deep, profound connection to the deity and my power. Everything has become machine-like; I’m just going through the motions of this strange little system I’ve created to survive.


I want to thrive again.

I want to enter the realms of fantasy again.

So… enter a breakthrough.

But first, a quick rewind:

a woman in a dress and cloak holding a wand and staff
More "peak 2020 mage" era Cawnawyn

2020 was the most incredible year for me. For many, it was a time of uncertainty, paralyzing fear, and feeling trapped in our homes. My reality was much different due to personal choices, which I’ll address in another article sometime.

I was rebellious and independent and roamed my little world of isolation freely.

I joined a coven, and each day became an opportunity for experimenting with magic.

I lived for the dark of the night, and there was this overall feeling of limitlessness inside me.

It’s hard to describe, but it was like I carried the essence of magic with me everywhere.

It felt like being gathered around a crackling campfire with fireflies dancing at the edge of a dark forest. I could hear the drum beats, feel the grass beneath my feet, the soft touch of linen dresses against my legs, and the warmth of good food and fire in my body. 


a woman standing amongst leaves
Same dress, different vibe Cawnawyn 2020

There was always this feeling of being connected.

Connected to community.

Connected to the earth.

Connected to the Goddess.


The feeling would weave its way through my consciousness, but I was only mildly aware of its presence.


Then, it was gone. 

In 2021, our coven split up. I got pregnant. The world got even scarier, and suddenly, I was trapped like everyone else, except within the limits of my own body. I've been navigating my new life ever since.


Fast forward to about a month ago, and suddenly, the feeling comes back.

Breakthrough!

Like a whisper, I become aware of its presence as I drive my two kids home from the gym. It is often while I’m driving that I receive psychic downloads and messages from spirit.


I assumed that this was just a memory I was experiencing of something I’d felt years ago.

But I realized, no! This was no memory! This was real, and it was happening right now!

I could hear the fires crackling, feel the warmth, and see the fireflies again!


Was I finally connecting back into my deeper magic?

I’ve been chasing magic in motherhood. 
fireflies in a forest

It comes in whispers, but now, its appearances are steadily more regular.

I received the message that I must improve my listening.

I need to slow down and make a concerted effort just to be present in relationship to spirit.

I must remember to make time for true magic and not let my connection become too mundane.


Let me state that I did not previously have the capacity for this, even as of a few months ago. So much of motherhood has been about survival and managing each day, as discussed earlier. But my children have now reached an age where I’m starting to carve out pockets of time for myself, and I feel this door is slowly opening up as there is more opportunity for this type of spiritual work in my days and nights.

If you are reading this and are in the thick of life too, I truly understand, and I’m not trying to insist that to create magic in your life, you must add more things to your already overwhelming to-do list. This is what is working for me now, and it may all change as new seasons of life come into play.


So, how do I intend to use these new pockets of magic?

How do I wish to develop my spiritual practice?


  • I have wanted to create a Book of Shadows for some time now. I have many “Books of Winds” (journals documenting my readings, musings, processes, and meditations), but I’ve wanted to create something a little more formal and ceremonial to bring a special feeling into my magical space. 

tarot cards laid out on the floor
One of the hundreds of preserved tarot readings in 2021

  • I want to practice magic regularly. I’ve often thought of challenging myself with a “weekly spell” and documenting how the effects of that work manifest. 


  • I use Divination often, but it has been limited to my go-to tarot and oracle decks. I want to use forms like scrying, pendulum work, and Norse runes.


  • I desperately want to incorporate even more into my life with my kids. I have really only scratched the surface, and there is so much potential for them to develop their own spiritual truths as they grow. While they are still very young (the oldest is two years old, and the youngest is eight months old as I’m writing this), I know there is work I could be doing to protect them and encourage them. 


  • Lastly, I need to become a better listener. Meditation is the key to this, and I know I have a few minutes each day to open my heart and ears to what spirit is trying to communicate to me. 


a stack of books and a wand
My "Books of Winds" and my wand

I write all of these hopes and wishes to provide a written document of my intentions during this New Moon cycle, and I encourage you to use this Pisces New Moon similarly.


How can you find a deeper connection with the universe?

What are your dreams?

How can you carve out a little time each day to help them manifest further?

It can be small and silly if needed; the minor incremental steps often lead to the most remarkable successes (as many much more intelligent and practiced masters than myself have said and shared publicly). 


I wish you more profound understanding and exciting breakthroughs on your spiritual path this season. 

May the messages of hope and meaningful connection flow to you, and you find peace in your practices, both spiritual and mundane.

Blessed be.


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